Athazagorophobia, or why I carry a journal everywhere

 

 

 

 

I'm not afraid of being forgotten, and sometimes I have an actual desire to be ignored - and I've never thought about feeling phobic about being replaced, but I am terrified of forgetting. That's why I have to write so many things down - and why I take my journal with me wherever I go. What if I were in an accident, and ended up in the hospital? Or in jail? (they'd probably take it away from me there). The fact is, I document everything.

 

I have a smartphone and a Kindle with a journal app. Actually - I can get to this blog on both devices. But there are times when one just has to write. As I've probably mentioned before, I've kept a diary/journal since I was 13, and started filling blank journals at the age of 40. I number them, and I'm on #319 presently. 

 

Here, then, is a sampling of random thoughts and observations I might have forgotten if not for the journal next to my computer:

 

• "sunlight of the spirit.."..."praying" for "these people" doesn't help me when there's often a finger stabbing at me...
• I have to shrug. It's karma.
• Why can these "normal" people get away with things?
• I'll take the loss; you can win.
• We napped during Bad Day at Black Rock.
• Blue Jasmine is a good doll name.
• In my mansion, I have many nests.
• Sufi Muslims were the spiritual ones.
• Kim's manicure is "Pompeii Purple"
• Let's just throw our intellect out the window--how refreshing--mine always gets me in trouble.
• Why am I drawn to critical people?
• For every ten minutes I'm pissed, that's ten minutes out of my life.
• I love my Swiffer.
• I'm supposed to "keep tabs on myself."
• The Internet is a megamall.
• Note to self: Today when I sorted all my CDs (close to 660, not including what I have in binders) I realized something: Most of what I listen to are compilation CDs of tracks I've downloaded to ITunes. The only actual CDs I listen to, all the way through, are either motion picture scores/soundtracks or classical works.
• Army Wives Grande Finale is tomorrow night from 8-10, so Paul and I will chat on Facebook during the news.
• Full Crow Moon is rising tomorrow.

It's official. My journal isn't a journal. It's a mini-whiteboard.